During my field work about the role of wedding photos and videos I have met 21 couples so far in three different countries. To gather data of diverse weddings I was looking for a Muslim couple to talk about their wedding. Unfortunately, none of the Muslim couples I was in contact with would agree to participate in a video recorded conversation. That was until I found Mary* and Koffi. Right up front I have to admit that only Mary is Muslim whilst her husband Koffi is Catholic. Nevertheless it is a truly diverse love story that is worth telling.
Mary was previously married twice to Muslim husbands whom she didn’t actually know before the wedding. With her second husband she has a son who is 13 years old now. With Koffi she has a second son. Before our meeting I informed her about the video recording, anonymization, and their right to withdraw at any moment of the conversation. Mary asked me in return about which wedding I would like her to talk about. I was a bit confused because for me it was clear that I wanted to hear about her wedding with Koffi. But as it turned out later there were three weddings – with Koffi. “How is that possible?” my analytical researcher imagination was asking. It is possible as I was later taught better. But let’s start at the very beginning.
Mary and Koffi met in 2016 at the university in Accra, Ghana and fell in love. Mary is a practicing Muslim (Bosniac), Swiss, with a Bosnian background. Koffi is Togolese, a practicing Catholic, and the son of a village headman. From the beginning it was clear for both of them that this union is meant forever. Therefore Mary wished their relationship to be officially recognized and blessed by an Imam. Koffi agreed to follow Mary’s wish out of respect for her religious belonging. By this time Mary worked in Switzerland and Koffi in Accra, Ghana. As soon as Koffi found an Imam in Accra who was eager to bless the couple and religiously acknowledge the marriage, Mary travelled to Accra. During the Muslim ceremony there were just the two of them, witnesses from the mosque and the Imam. This first wedding was intimate and just for them as they explained. Almost 18 months later the couple married civilly in Zurich in the presence of Mary’s family who live in Switzerland. The celebration was conducted in a small and informal setting. Finally, last year in 2022 the third ceremony (and second religious wedding) took place in Koffi’s homeland Togo in the city of Lomé with 100 guests, a Catholic mass, a choir in the church, and a generous reception with food, music and dance. Finally Mary’s wish to wear a white wedding dress came true, although it had to be adapted to Muslim standards to cover arms and shoulders and a matching headscarf the day before the wedding. The modifications weren’t a problem at all because Koffi’s brother had been working for the Togolese dress designer Grace Wallace. The brother organized another of Grace Wallace’s employees to repair the wedding dress whose skirt was torn by accident during the photo shooting. The mending of the skirt took place in the car on the way to the church.
The couple say that regarding their different religious affiliations there is more that unites them than what divides them. “The only thing that separates us is Jesus,” Mary comments laughing. Their son who was baptized during the same wedding mass in Togo, is raised Muslim by his mother and Catholic by his father. Both parents agree that he will able to decide for himself when he gets older which religion he prefers if at all. If someone reading this blog is now confused and thinks that this is not “logical” or “possible”, one can only add that if diversity is possible in your mind than it can happen! In this regard Mary and Koffi are role models.
*Mary is an unionist, member of the Social Democratic Party of Switzerland. For the first time she runs for the cantonal council in Zurich. How she juggles her diverse life is impressive and authentic. I sincerely wish her luck. See https://linktr.ee/MariemFiadjigbe.